Time

I have two things to say about time.

First, it takes time to get to know someone. Like about six months. For people who are "hiders", more like a year. In a ministry setting, my tendency is to be naturally trusting because I was pastored for many years by a a very godly man. But, I learned the hard way, being patient, wise and cautious can be good protection for the heart. The Bible says to "get to know" our spiritual leaders (1 Thessalonians 5:12). The definition in Greek is "gaze at", "watch over time". If I had taken more time, gotten to know how the person who hurt my family operated, been more careful about setting boundaries, etc, perhaps I would not have ended up in the position where I had to forgive and heal. My advice to anyone who is trusting their spiritual welfare into some one's hands is to judge (as in observe) the person's ministry carefully. Look for character to sustain anointing or charisma. Is this person submitted to authority themselves? What does their marriage look like? Relationships? Money? Children? Sexual purity? Is this person "watching over your soul" (Heb 13:17)? That same verse begins, "Obey your spiritual leaders" but that word "obey" means "be persuaded by, have confidence in". Be wise. Be careful. Seek the Lord.

My other thought about time is that forgiving major hurts can take time. I think we should be quick to decide to forgive, but the actual process may not be quick and I'm okay with that. Sometimes the offense we have to forgive causes other pains to surface in our hearts, and all those feelings and emotions need to be processed. If you were literally stabbed in the back, you wouldn't stroll over to the emergency clinic, get patched up with a band-aid, then go home and get ready for a party. No, you'd be in the hospital, getting surgery, medication, rest. Forgiveness and healing need time. (Not too much time though! I have dear friends who spent ten years hurting from being abused in their church.) Just work on it with the Holy Spirit until He's done!