Rejection without Reason

Rejection. Ouch, it hurts just reading the word. It's a common issue, something we all experience. Some of us are just learning the sting of it, others of us have endured more than our fair share. It's painful. It sucks. It hits us out of the blue, bringing confusion and heartache. But Jesus says....it's normal.

I would have to put myself in the category of those who have endured more than our fair share of rejection. I've experienced it in my closest relationships from people who were supposed to love me. Parents. Siblings. Husband. Pastors. Friends. The most painful and difficult rejection was when I was rejected for no apparent reason. Literally, I did nothing wrong. Which means I did everything right. So, when rejection hit, there was no way for me to fix it. There was nothing for me to fix because I hadn't done anything to break it. My hands were tied. The relationship was hijacked by the other person and all I could do was grieve and find a way to accept it. If there had been an obvious problem that could be addressed, maybe I'd stand a chance at attempting reconciliation. But with no reason or communication, I had no choice but to deal with "I no longer want you".

If you know and understand how this feels let me assure you that you are not alone. I can relate to your frustration. I know the feeling of injustice when we are forced to deal with consequences that result from someone else's actions. Better than me, however, you are in Good Company. Jesus himself was rejected by the very people He came to save. Was He rejected by His generation because He did something wrong? NO. Was He somehow at fault? NO. Was His love returned to him with a "no, thanks" for no valid reason? YES. If it can happen to the Son of God, my darlings, it is gonna happen to us.

If someone rejects my love, my default reaction is to think it's me. That I did something wrong. My heart immediately searches for guilt. There are times though that there is simply no explanation. My forty-two years on this earth have taught me that people can be catty and weird and insecure and selfish and mean and unfair. I have to force myself to consider this when I am standing alone watching someone walk out of my life when I really want them to stay. 

The next time you find yourself in this painful place, and you know that you have clean hands and a pure heart, let me encourage you to celebrate the fact that you are being made a little more like Christ. He understands. He knows the sting. He has comfort for you. Don't doubt yourself. Stand strong. Keep your head up. Turn it to God and ask Him to validate you. Don't let your confidence walk out the door with whoever is rejecting you. These things happen and there can be nothing wrong with your heart. A treasure that can be found in a dark place like this is that in spite of the pain of rejection without reason, you can still forgive and keep loving. Keep doing right. Just because someone does the wrong thing does not mean you have to stop doing right thing. Throw a party for yourself and celebrate your tender heart. Turn the broken relationship over to the Healer. Ask God to restore. He can fill voids of rejection in such awesome, creative ways. Try to consider that there can be all kinds of reasons that people reject us, that have nothing to do with us. Like maybe they don't understand us or don't know what to do with us. Or maybe they are just rejecting God in us. Perhaps immaturity is reigning. Or maybe the timing was just wrong.

You are never ever alone. Humans may leave but God never will. If you feel like you have been deserted for carrying the banner of righteousness, lean back into the strong arms of the cornerstone that was rejected. Feel His hand on yours, lending you strength, holding that banner with you, knowing just how you feel.

"For I have come to you in my Father’s name, and you have rejected me."  

John 5:43 

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

Happy New Year!

My prayer for you (and me, both!) is that 2012 would bring....


* increased strength and wisdom to face whatever challenges the year holds

* more assurance of God's unfailing love

* every disappointment or heartbreak would cause us to turn to Him for the stability and comfort we need

* blessing, forgiveness and grace would flow through us to every person we encounter

* many wonderful blessings and....

* a year full of LOVE.

finding God in vegetables....

This morning, I was driving Isaac to preschool, chatting with him about the Yanni music we were listening to, while mentally planning my day. 

“Let’s see….I’ve got about an hour before I go see my friend Ginny and her new baby…need to make dentist appointments…literature homework…farmer’s market, I need peaches… field peas… corn….”.

I felt the Holy Spirit interrupt my grocery list….
"The corn, April".

“Huh?”

“You are focused on the husk, not the corn.”

“Okay.” Corn.  Husk. Hmmm…a little confused. I pull into the parking lot of Isaac’s preschool.
 “Can we talk about this later?”

I get Isaac settled at school and come back to my car to have a divine conversation with the Holy One about corn. Throughout the morning God continued to speak. He showed me that sometimes the blessings in our lives (the corn) come wrapped up in experiences that really don’t feel like that much of a blessing (the husk).  If God just dropped shucked corn cobs in our lives, it would be wonderful! Joy! Peace! Forgiveness! Prosperity! Faith! But when our harvest is embedded in something else, it can be confusing and complicated to separate the two. It makes sense, though, knowing that God is more interested in our character than he is our comfort. What lesson is learned if we are not required to peel away the husk and pull out the silky hairs?

Understanding that God’s treasures can come through a little darkness, sometimes we encounter two elements, the husk and the corn. The baby and the bathwater. The fish and the bones. The rose and the thorns. We sometimes get overfocused on the husk and underfocused on the corn.

Here’s a personal example. I birthed Isaac naturally after a fourteen hour labor. I endured a lot of pain to reap my seven pound harvest. What if, after that last push, I heard that sweet tender cry and then said, “Get that kid away from me. He caused me a lot of pain. Parenting is for the birds. Enough of this. Take him to the nursery, I just want to lay down and sleep. Ouch, ouch, ouch. ” Of course not! The pain wasn’t his fault, it was just part of the process to get him here. The difficult experience that led me to my permanent blessing was temporary. The whole point of labor and delivery is the baby! The blessing! The corn. “Give my baby to me”, was my reply after that last push, as I reached down and took my beautiful boy from the doctor’s hands. I lifted him up to my chest as Bo touched his head and together we thanked God for bringing him to us.  

Sometimes the husk is a little more challenging though, like when a friend hurts us or when we are disrespected, rejected, or ashamed.  These lessons come with tough husks that can prevent us from even getting to the corn. We can become so distracted by anger, resentment, failure, pride, shame, etc., that we end up serving our wide-eyed family a plate full of husks after chunking the nutritious cobs in the trash. Don’t get it backwards! Give the husk the attention it requires, then throw those temporary coverings away. Or stuff them down the disposal. Or dump them on your mulch pile. But, don’t confuse the husk with your corn!

A dear friend of mine and I recently had a misunderstanding. I was hurt. She was hurt. Communication was strained. It was the kind of conflict that could have destroyed our relationship. My inaccurate perceptions of her behavior catered right to my insecurities, as did hers. But in our love for each other, we refused to sacrifice our seventeen-year-old friendship. We met at a coffee house to hash it out. Words and actions were clarified, forgiveness was asked and extended, hugs and kisses were given. We left the husks with our empty coffee cups and celebrated the corn.

I hope that as you have read this, the Holy Spirit is bringing up some “husky” areas of your own life.  I encourage you my darlings, as I am doing, to ask God to help you clearly recognize what to keep and what to throw away. Let go of any part of a life experience that you know in your spirit is not to hang around. Re-direct your thoughts and your energies. Celebrate with me that God brings bountiful blessings into our lives, and in His wisdom, sometimes wraps them in a temporary covering created to serve its’ purpose before fading away into distant memories. If imbalance tries to creep back in, identify it. “That’s a husk, I will focus on the corn.” Being thankful for the gifts God gives us helps to keep the main thing the main thing. Celebrating pain, anger, and pride saps us of energy that is better spent praising God for his love, mercy, provision, and grace.

I will never look at a cob of corn the same way again.

Praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits-

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103:1-5

sweet surrender

Remember the medievel movies that show valiant knights on regal horses, riding into battle, with one appointed warrior carrying the troop's flag? That flag identified the kingdom. It represented the people, their authority, and their purpose. While we no longer travel on horses, we still carry a banner. If we bear the one God gives us, then we are identified as His, surrendered to His will and purpose for our lives. But, even for those of us who love and serve Him, we can sometimes lay down His flag and wave our own. I see it in my spirit..... We sketch and draw and paint our own designs and colors, personalizing our own flags to represent our own agendas. It's a pride flag, fashioned out of the fears, insecurities, and selfish motives that drive us to want to forge ahead our own way. Because we create them ourselves, these puny little flags do not identify us with the King or His authority and protection. We are a troop of one. 

God has a white flag for us. Waving a white flag in the midst of battle typically means defeat. It symbolizes that the troops are no longer posting their own colors, but a neutral color as a sign of defeat. However, when we wave the white flag in surrender to pain, pride, fear, rejection, and sin, this is a spiritual victory. We win spiritual battles when we let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts (Col. 3:15).  White represents purity. The purity that comes from heaven is peaceful. Who wants to fight when we can enjoy peace and rest? Further, the white flag of victory connects us with a larger body. I wonder how it makes God feel to look upon His creation and instead of a hodge podge of abstract colors and designs, see white flags of beauty and peace gently waving in unity and love.

Usually we know what God wants us to do, we just don't do it. We continue to bear our own flag, while He patiently waits, arm extended, white flag in hand, ready to share victory and peace to our weary hearts and lives. Join me, my darlings, in surrender. In doing so, we exchange one authority for another. Ours for his. Struggle for rest. War for peace. Anger for forgiveness. Hate for love. This kind of surrender is a powerful act of spiritual warfare. It takes courage. It takes trust. It takes strength.

But, enjoying the benefits of peace and fulfillment make it worth it.

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure: then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full or mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." James 3:17-18

"They will walk with me in white, for they are worthy." Rev. 3:4

"All who are victorious are clothed in white." Rev. 3:5





Hillsong LIVE - Forever Reign

go against the flow

Psychologist David Lieberman says....

"When your mind has nothing to focus on it divides against itself and creates a breeding ground for worries and anxieties.  Yet, once you get a clearly defined outside goal that you are passionate about these divisions cease.  When you have a clear-cut objective, you're in a better mood and your attention is clear and focused.  Suddenly the "little things" don't seem as important to you anymore.  You have perspective on what really matters. A mind with nothing to occupy it will turn against itself.  When we have nothing to focus our attention on our mind creates its own unrest and fears begin to take root."

We can back this teaching up with scripture....

 Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.

Romans 8:5-6

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Philippians 4:8

Is your life full of good, interesting, wholesome, passionate things that attract your time and focus?  Sometimes we get stuck in a cycle of doing the same thing, over and over, day in and day out. With no new outside "threat" to this cycle, our minds are denied the stimulation that expands our thinking and gives us new perspective. If you feel like your life is really small, ask God to open it up with new activities, hobbies, work, projects, relationships, etc., that would keep you positively focused and balanced. Our sin nature will always have a downward pull toward negativity.  Like a salmon fighting the current, we can swim upstream into new, exciting waters.  Don't be afraid to go against the flow.  Step outside of your comfort zone. Try something new. Yes, it may take some effort and courage, but the results are far more beneficial than stifling away in a stagnant pond with smelly dead fish.

seasons

Isaac and I were having a conversation in the car. A school bus passed us and he said he wanted to ride the bus.

Me: "You can ride the school bus when you are a little older.  You have to be five years old to ride the bus.  Right now you are too little."

Isaac: "I want to be five!"

Me: "Baby, you are three. You can't be five yet. You have to turn four first."

Isaac: "I don't want to be four!"

As soon as he said that, something inside me responded. Child, I know how that feels! There have been plenty of times in my life when I was in one season and "done" with it, ready to move on, frustrated, tired, wanting change that the next anticipated season would surely hold. I was three, and wanted to be five, but first had to be four!

God has this thing about growth. He is a Master Gardener, you know. He wants us to grow and learn and blossom and bear fruit in the season He has us in, before we move on to the next level in the garden of our lives. He wants us to hang out in the dirt, soaking up the sun and the rain, while our little leaves start to bud. And He is none too keen on checking with us about timetables either.  I gave Him a watch but He won't wear it :) So, as much as we might like our circumstances to be different, God sees the whole picture of where we are and what needs to happen while we are there. He has things for us to learn and experience in this season that will prepare us for the next.

Learning our ABCs in preschool makes it possible to read and write in kindergarden.  A college education won't fly without the skills acquired in high school. We have to tag 1st, 2nd, and 3rd before it counts when we run home. Nine long months have to pass before we get to see that little one moving and squirming around inside. Bus drivers don't let three year olds on until they've turned four and five.

Are you here? In transition? Tired of being three and ready to jump to five? Not really thrilled about having to be four?  I understand. What I've learned during times like these is that it's helpful to accept it. Stop fighting it.  Don't resist the season you are in. God's goodness is everywhere. Grumbling and complaining can hinder our ability to see that. Finding a way to be content where we are really helps to get through a difficult time and I think maybe even speeds up the process.  Sometimes we resist the very things that will bless us. Be teachable. Flexible. Pliable. Welcome the lessons that come in hard times. You will probably need them! The things of God that David learned in the caves and the wilderness while fleeing Saul prepared Him to reign as king when the seasons in his life shifted. Jacob's stone pillow became a memorial and the hard ground where he slept became Bethel, the "house of God", after God spoke to him there in the dirt (Gen 28). It's those treasures that make dark seasons beautiful and add glorious meaning to tough times in our lives. If you feel like you are "stuck", try asking God to show you what He wants you to learn in the place where you are.  Open your heart to His hand. Ask Him to reveal His purpose for that season in your life, so you can yield and cooperate and let Him do His thing.

I like what Paul has to say....

There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. Phil 1:6  

I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.  Phil 4:12

It's like he's saying...."Chill, baby, it's all good." Before you know it, you will be standing there at the bus stop with your little backpack and an apple for the teacher, in all your five year old glory, done with preschool and ready for kindergarden. Which would not have happened...if you hadn't been four. 

Christ is Risen - Matt Maher

"The glory of God....defeated the night!"