Do Not Adjust Your Computer

I interrupt this regularly scheduled series on forgiveness to bring you the following fun family fotos from ten years ago....I am having a blast with old pictures and my scanner.....

Joshua

Caleb being launched across the pool by dad

Get your head out of the sand....

If you think this photo is funny,

you might find it even funnier that I left him like that to run back to the hotel room and retrieve my camera.

Detour

Some offenses that we have to forgive have huge life changes attached to them. Like you are in your car, driving down the road, then out of nowhere BAAAM! you are pushed off the road and forced to go in another direction or even stop. Some of these changes might be "small" like an argument, family conflict or a failed business venture or "huge" like a family rift, loss of a relationship, job, freedom, health or even life. For me, the struggle with forgiveness over an offense with such ramifications is that it looks like someone has invaded my destiny and taken over control. I've at times questioned "can man change the will of God in my life?". Even though circumstances may appear "Yes!", and it feels like "Yes!", I believe that if you have surrendered your life to Christ, the answer is "No!". When I was hurting and confused, this was hard to figure out. What brought me peace was running to the Lord for truth. I love the truth. Even if it hurts. I can't stand for someone to say one thing to me but I know it's not true. In my particular situation, no truth was given to me from the offending party so I sought the Lord for it. Those of us who belong to God live in two different worlds at one time, the natural and the supernatural. I was getting no healing in the natural; I found it in the supernatural. God spoke to me, and then I understood that this detour was for the best. We can look at a circumstance and only see what we see, a small part, and often not even reality because our hearts can deceive us. God sees everything. Asking for His perspective was key. I did not want to go through the changes that happened in my life, but having His word in my heart brought peace about my detour. I trusted God. I felt secure. I knew He'd never leave me. Never forsake me. He'd provide for my family. He'd heal the wounds caused by man. I had to let a lot go in the natural, but I knew that God was at work in the Spirit.

Some really wonderful things can come out of dark places. Forced detours are not always "bad". It could be the only way we would make changes that would push us further along the path God ordained for us. Here's a fresh example. A friend that I love recently had some trouble and landed himself in jail. An arrest, huge bail, court date, all that. But in the process he bowed his knee, re-united with his family, and began a journey of restoration.

I believe that God's blessing are everywhere. On the mountain and in the valley. In the bright places and in the dark places. Sometimes we have to look for them, search them out, but if God is in our life, His goodness is there too.

The anniversary of forgiveness

Two years ago this week, my husband and I were hurt badly by someone we loved. Not just loved, but trusted and served. The actions of this person toward us resulted in not only the loss of that relationship, but because of the nature of the connection, loss of finances, community, ministries, and friendships we'd spent a year building. Our entire lives were changed in one fail swoop while the offending party went on their merry way. While forgiveness was never asked of me, I gave it, and in the process learned many good things.

I know many of you have also experienced abuse. When it comes from someone in authority over you... a parent, a husband, a boss, a pastor, a teacher... it can be an especially hard pill to swallow. When it comes from someone who professes to love the Lord, it's confusing. When a person is supposed to love you, and rejects you instead, it can rattle your identity. Abuse devastates the heart. Physical, sexual, emotional, verbal...it's all bad. Unless we bring the broken pieces of our hearts to the feet of Jesus, it can continue to be bad... for days, months, years, decades.

This week I'll be sharing some of the things God taught me during my own journey of forgiveness, and I welcome your testimonies as well.

I Wanna Be Yours

Lyrical recital dance, Ballet His Way 2001. Choreographed and taught by Regina Lewis.

Back to square one

Bo made it safely to Fort Lee. He had another sweet moment at the Richmond airport. He was sitting outside, waiting on the shuttle, on the phone with me, when a guy in his 60s saw him, walked up, and handed him a 20 dollar bill. The man was quiet and red-faced. Bo tried to return it, he wouldn't allow it. Bo said "thank you, sir, thank you, sir" and the man said "no, soldier, thank you". I can imagine that perhaps this sweet soul might have, maybe even lost, a son of his own to the military.

Once Bo got to the post, all the sunniness turned dark. He is back to being treated like a peon. He says the sargents are mean and the soldiers are all mad. He had to dump out all his stuff, and the sargents went through it and took his pain pills (even though they are prescription) and his food and water. He was told that his AIT starts next Tuesday, not next month. Think that blows our plans for leave out of the water, but it also means he'll be home in about eight weeks. He's in "reception", the processing building. He'll move soon to a permanent facility and hopefully then things will be better.

Virginia Bound

Bo is on a plane, seated in first class, headed toward Richmond, Virginia. He'll travel from there to Fort Lee. I praise God for this moment, for we really had to fight and pray and trust that this would happen!

Bo's training doesn't start until April 24th. He will request a leave to come home for 10 days as soon as he gets settled there on post. The kids are out of school for spring break next week. I hope he will be here with us! Maybe we can even make it to the beach....ahhh, I can hear the waves now.....

Good News

Bo met with the brain specialist yesterday and we have good news. After some more neuro and "remote memory" testing, the doctor determined that Bo does not have permanent damage to his brain. Praise God! He is still having some symptoms, but they should resolve within twelve months. The doctor did notice some decreased right side motor function that is normal with a left lobe injury and is recommending some rehab. I'm supposed to mail him word finds and crossword puzzles! She also wants him to have some speech therapy to helping with slurring of words. He's always talked fast so I'm not sure this is a new problem! She cleared him to ship out for AIT (job training). He leaves Thursday for Fort Lee, Virginia. He had to change his MOS (job) to something less dangerous than field artillery, so he will now be a supply specialist. It should be a low stress job, with good hours and weekends and holidays off. He'll be able to count and arrange stuff to his heart's content.

Sick baby

Do any of you follow "McMama's" blog? Please pray for baby Stellan. He is in the hospital with a dangerous heart rate that the doctors have been unable to stabilize.

One for the money....

two for the show....

three to get ready.....

and four to go!

Army Update

I know it's been a while since I've updated on Bo's health. I am happy to be able to report good news! Bo's medical hold is coming to an end next week. He was cleared by the medical review board, which is a big praise because his civilian neurologist was recommending medical discharge. The results from his cat scans, MRIs, EKGs, and blood tests came in, and Bo was diagnosed with "post-traumatic brain trauma", resulting from his head injury in January. Symptoms are headaches, paranoia, and memory loss. The seizure Bo had the day after his fall created some concern that Bo had a "mild form of epilepsy". The army doctors examined Bo and disagreed with the civilians, thought the seizure was related to the head trauma, and determined that Bo was healing well and able to continue to work. It was stressful for us thinking that Bo might not be able to continue his army career, but we were greatly encouraged by the support he received from his superiors. All his sargents testified of his hard work (he's been working at the battery headquarters since he was discharged from the hospital), his good character, and his leadership qualities. The information and support from his command helped Bo build a case to stay in the army and kept him encouraged in spite of the 95% chance of discharge. I told Bo that was man's word, let's wait and see what God had to say, and to see that 5% chance of staying in turn to 100% was a miracle! It was wonderful for me to hear how Bo was affirmed and encouraged by his friends, sargents, and commanders as we waited on the decision. He was told that he was " a good man", and that "bad things happen to good people" . He was moved to private quarters, given special privileges, and was assured by every person he worked for that they would fight for him. I think the love he received will go a long way in healing old wounds of unfair treatment from past jobs. The army thinks he fits just fine, and will serve his country and his family well. Oooo-aaaahhh.

Jabez dance

The prayer of Jabez was very popular in the late 90s. Here's a dance to the "Song of Jabez" from March 2001. It was my final dance as worship dance director at CCI and a dedication to my pastor, Bishop Apostle Paul A. Estes. We moved from Dothan to Atlanta the next week. The brief clip before the dance is from Caleb's baptism. Clicking the HQ button will give better quality.

Fighting the good fight

The boys and I (Joshua and Caleb, that is) watched the TV version of "Saving Private Ryan" last night. I'd never seen it, and now that we are a military family I'm watching more war movies. I was so struck by one of the final scenes and how it relates to my own life.

Tom Hanks was the main character and his team was defending a French town that held one of the two bridges that the Germans had not yet conquered. While they waited for their enemy, they planned their strategy, made bombs from scratch, divided up the guns and ammo, and placed dynamite under the bridge. They did all they could with what they had and when the Germans finally came with their tanks and weapons, they fought them with all their might. In an attempt to blow the bridge, Tom Hanks was shot twice and fell to the ground in front of a tank. The tank kept coming at him, and having no bombs or grenades to throw, he pulled his sidearm from his leg and began shooting at the tank. He might as well have been throwing rocks. The tank kept coming, he kept shooting. Wounded, exhausted, dying....he didn't give up, he just kept firing his handgun at an enemy that was way too powerful for him. Bang. Bang. Bang. Then suddenly, BOOM. The tank exploded as Tom looked up and saw a fighter jet flying overhead. Air support. Deliverance. Rescue. Better weapons and big guns.

I feel like Tom. His French town is my Albany. I feel like God brought me to Albany for a purpose and a lot of it required engaging in the spiritual warfare that is so prevalent here.

I've led others to Christ, bang. I've taught worship, bang. I've established ministries, bang. I've brought unity into segregated churches, bang. I've poured time and energy into others, bang.

I've encouraged and counseled. I've been patient. I've had faith. I've forgiven. I've loved.

Now this season of my life is coming to end. And, I'm tired. I'm wounded. I'm lonely. My heart has wrestled with a powerful enemy. I feel like I've done all I can do, and I trust that it was enough to make an eternal difference. I'm reminded of the scriptures in Ephesians 6 about the spiritual armor we are to wear. It says in verse 13 "having done all, stand". That's where my heart is, standing, waiting, weary. But I know that God never leaves me alone, and whether I am fighting or wounded, He is with me. Giving me strength. Healing my wounds. Lifting me up.

My Rescuer is coming. I am lifting my eyes to the heavens.

I can almost hear the jet now.

My babies....

Things You Might Not Know About Me

Okay, Megan tagged me again, and as a fellow army wife I am duty-bound to provide personal information for the sake of comradeship.....

1. Do you like blue cheese? You know, I just found out last night from my friend Stephanie that blue cheese is mold. I'm on an alkaline diet so no molds or fungus for me (but yes I like blue cheese, especially from Carinos)

2. Have you ever been drunk? no, but I was probably close to it last year for Joshua's 17th birthday when I drank a frozen margarita on an empty stomach

3. Do you own a gun? no, but Bo wanted to get me one when he was in law enforcement

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Fruit Juicy Red (this is supposed to help with morning sickness, too)

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think the nitrates aren't good for us

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Vacation, love it

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? I try to start the day with hot lemon water for a mini-detox, wait 30 minutes, then coffee time

9. Can you do push ups? No, I have pain in my wrists

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My Israel ring, it's a garnet stone tension-mounted on a gold band

11. Favorite hobby? I love going to garage sales

12. Do you have A.D.D.? no, don't think so

13. What's your favorite shoe? I love my khaki color Crocs

14. Middle name? Leigh Anne but I use my maiden name now to honor my dad

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Isaac is waking from a nap so I'm thinking I need to go to him, think the roofer that came to give me an estimate this morning was drunk, wondering how Bo is today

16. What is your current hate? I hate it when someone says something to you that sounds really wonderful, but you know it's not true

17. How did you bring in the New Year? I didn't, I went to bed early

18. Where would you like to go? the beach

19. Name three people who will complete this? Charity, Heather, Joy, Stephanie...wait, that's four

20. Do you own slippers? Yes furry ones that got blood all over them in the hospital when I had Isaac. Bo brought them home and washed them for me

21. What color shirt are you wearing right now? brown

22. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? no, too slippery

23. Can you whistle? yes

24. Favorite color? I love black and baby blue

25. Would you be a pirate? no, not fair

26. What songs do you sing in the shower? Don't sing in the shower, I listen for God to speak to me in the shower

27. Favorite girl's Name? Zoe

28. Favorite boy's name? Joshua, Caleb, Noah and Isaac. I also like Dominic, Isaiah, and Jack

29. What's in your pocket right now? nothing now but usually my cellphone

30. Last thing that made you laugh? Noah telling me that the letter his teacher sent home (about his behavior at school) "broke his heart"

31. Best bed sheets as a child? don't' remember

32. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? well, I fell off a cliff at a lake, I got hit in the head with a boat anchor my sister was swinging, and I drank anti-freeze left on the bathroom sink (not sure which on was worst, I got no medical treatment for any of these, God has protected me!)

33. Who is your loudest friend? My girl Belinda is pretty loud

34. How many dogs do you have? none but had a dog named Mindy when I was young

35. Does someone have a crush on you? I think my husband still does

36. What is your favorite book? I like "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge and anything by Stormie O'Martian

37. What is your favorite candy? Junior Mints

38. Favorite Sports Team? don't have one

39. What was your favorite year? 1986 was pretty awesome

Happy Birthday Joshua

Joshua turned eighteen yesterday.

When my babies are little, birthdays are so fun. Lots of planning and celebration and excitement. Not so much when they enter the teenage years. I want to slow down time, make them stay my babies forever, keep them close. Every birthday is a reminder that they are quickly approaching adulthood. They'll soon have lives of their own. Families of their own. I won't see them every day. I will miss them. So, as proud of Joshua as I am, this birthday is bittersweet. Bo not being here doesn't help. I told Joshua I'm delaying my meltdown until he's twenty-one. He's still my kid for three more years.

I get teary-eyed when I remember March 5th, 1991. My first baby. A twelve hour labor. Bo driving like a mad man to get me to the hospital. My parents driving through the night to arrive in time to meet their grandson. Pushing for an hour until a 9 pound 10 ounce bundle of love popped out as the sun was rising over Atlanta. Picking him up from his hospital bassinet when he was crying, to have him immediately calm down and relax in my arms. Oh such sweet memories.

I am so proud of you Joshua. I love you so so much. Happy 18th.

Feel the Spirit

Here's a fun dance from 2000......

I've Been Had

I am the victim of identity theft. My credit card information was compromised online and some creep stole my money. They used my bank account to charge $564.00 to Verizon, probably paying some huge overdue bill or getting a fancy new phone (or two!). My bank is filing a claim for me to get re-reimbursed but needed a police report since stealing more than $150.00 is a felony. So I marched downtown to the incredibly expensive law enforcement building, complete with sculptures and a museum (while our crime rate is sky high....hmmm.....could we perhaps have redirected some of those funds????). I spoke with a detective and said,

Find the thief.
They committed fraud.
I want to press charges.
Throw the book at them.
Hunt them down like a low down dirty dog.

Joshua suggested that I get them to loan me a gun and a badge and just let me track them down myself :) Yea, give me the stuff and I'll need a police car too. Do you have one with a car seat? I'll bring it all back next week.

Emma

Here is Noah with his "girlfriend" Emma. She celebrated her sixth birthday this weekend and Noah was the only boy at her party. Emma's aunt called him a player, because when I counted to three to take this picture, he threw his arm around Emma on three!