"this is gonna hurt a little bit....."

I have gotten to know my dentist/orthodontist really well during this past year I've been in braces. She is fighting breast cancer (at 43, yikes!) and talks to me about her treatment.  We talk about what's going on with me and what's going on with her. I invited her to my yoga class and she is going to come.  Since the day I asked her about why she was going to chemotherapy, we've formed this sweet bond between two like-minded women of different cultures which is a rare thing for backwards Albany, Georgia.  Even her staff gives me special treatment.


Although she is very busy handling tons of patients in her successful practice, she often works on me herself.  If she's not there because she is sick from chemo, she leaves detailed instructions for my appointments with her assistants.  Recently I was there for a....visit...check-up... adjustment... what do you call it when they change the wires and put more sharp stuff in your mouth??? Anyway, she comes in and yells to her assistant to bring her this and that then looks at me and says......


"did you take something before you came?"
"have you already eaten?"
"i'm going to wire your teeth together"
"i need your teeth to settle into the bone this way"
"it's part of the end of your treatment, i have to do this"
"you are going to have pain, major pain"
"april, i'm so sorry"
"you are going to hurt like you've never hurt before"
"i'm going to be thinking about you tonight"
"don't hate me"
"keep tylenol in your purse"


I'm not exaggerating. She said all that.  I'm sitting in the chair, speechless, just staring at her with big owl eyes. Then she and her assistant work together, winding twisted wire around the bracket of one tooth, pulling it over and wrapping around it the bracket of the neighboring tooth, and then twisting my teeth together until they are in the position she wanted them in.  Since my teeth are so loose right now, she could actually get them to move this way while I was in the chair.


I crawled out of her office that day, whimpering, but thinking about what she said.  "This is going to hurt but it needs to happen in order to get the good result we want.  There will be pain but it's for a good reason and it will be worth it".  Wouldn't it be helpful if we could get this kind of warning in life?  If we had this advance knowledge, would we be less blind-sided when trouble comes? Would it be nice if God gave us a disclaimer like that before pain entered our lives?  He did.

"Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.  When your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything."

James 1

I asked my pastor about that word "tested".  He said there are two kinds of testing.  One is the testing from the devil to destroy our lives.  The other is testing from God, which in this verse translates into "approve".  James is talking about trials that God lets us go through in order to bring about a successful end.  There are sometimes painful journeys for us to take, but it's because it has to happen that way in order to bring us into a blessed new place.  Most people do not change unless it A) costs too much or B) hurts too much (PAE).  Pain is a wonderful motivator for change.

I'm sure there are plenty of folks who grew up in their faith trusting God's love and feeling safe and confident in His plan.  Then there are those like me who have to dispel the lie that God brings pain into my life in order to hurt me, to punish me for making wrong choices, to see how I handle defeat, to measure my level of strength, to watch me squirm. With the belief system that "everyone who loves me hurts me", it was so easy to think God was the same way.

The more I trust God with the most tender, vulnerable parts of myself, the more I am unlearning the misrepresentation of His love.  I now believe that any pain He allows in my life is because it is necessary to bring me into victory.  God does not plan defeat for us, even when He allows us to hurt a bit.  God is a loving Father and the only One who loves us with holy, pure, agape love.  It is not His character to set us up or knock us down just to cause us pain. The wires don't stay on our teeth forever.  Freedom from sharp stuff in a tender place is the plan.  The soreness and pain are temporary. A beautiful smile is on the way.

Speaking Life

Here is a little sixty-second prayer to help us speak words of life, taken from Stomie O'Martian's book, Prayers for Emotional Wholeness.

"God, I pray that You would cause only good and excellent things to come from my lips.  Fill my heart with Your love, peace, patience, and kindness so that it overflows from my mouth.  Help me to speak of positive things and not negative-words that bring life and not death.   I know the words I speak can bring blessings into my life or they can keep blessings from me.  Help me to never shut off the flow of all You have for me by speaking words that are not glorifying to You. "

"Listen, for I will speak of excellent things,

 and from the opening of my lips will come right things."

Proverbs 8:6

Double Talk

Let's dig a little deeper into the source of what causes our grumbles with God. When that slimy serpent on our shoulder convinces us that his whispers are actually our thoughts, it puts us in a spiritual tug-of-war.

If you've been reading James, this will be familiar....

"A doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  They can't make up their minds.  They waver back and forth in everything they do." James 1

The thoughts and words that we allow will set the course for our lives.  If we allow satan's words to have power, then baby, that's what we are believing God for (ouch).  Job said "that which I feared has come upon me". The struggle that comes between floundering back and forth between the deceiver of the brethren (that's the snake) and the Spirit of truth (that's the Holy Spirit, who God puts in you when you accept Him) is exhausting and stops the forward motion of our spiritual journey.  That slimy snake whispers deception, which feels like our own thoughts and conflicts with what we know to be truth.


I like a former pastor's definition of insanity: "doing the same thing and expecting different results".  For faulty belief systems to change and give way to freedom in our hearts and minds, we have to adjust the way we think and the words we say.  This will get us out of the mud and moving again.  The way you change your thoughts is not by saying "I'm just not going to think these thoughts again", it's by replacing your thoughts with new ones.  I hope you have identified what is causing the downward pull in your spirit and emotions and are making progress to stop re-enforcing the negative.  Let's replace lies with truth.  What is causing you to be stuck?  Find what God has to say about that, and think about and say the same thing He says (Isaiah 55:6-11).

Do you doubt how God feels about you? His unfailing love surrounds you. Psalm 33:22

Is your heart wounded from rejection on the most basic level?  Even if your father and mother abandon you, the Lord will hold you close.  Psalm 27:10

Do you think God could care less about your pain?  He collects your tears in a bottle.  Psalm 56:8

Are you leery about trusting God because everyone else in your life has let you down?  He is not a man that He should lie.  Numbers 23 :19

Have you run out of strength?  God's power works best in your weakness.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Are you struggling with a fight against the desires of the flesh?  Sin's power is broken over you.  Romans 6

Are you afraid that folks who abuse you will get away with it?  God pays back those who harm you.  Psalm 18:7

Are you single and lonely, or married but disappointed in your spouse?  God is your husband.  Hosea 2:16

Do you think that the blessings of God pertain to everyone but you?  All His promises to you are yes and amen.  2 Corinthians 1:20

Are you having trouble forgiving someone?  If you will, your prayers will not be hindered.  Mark 11:25

Is an addiction holding you hostage?  The anointing of Jesus removes every burden and destroys every yoke in your life.  Luke 4:18, Isaiah 10:27

Is stress and anxiety consuming your thoughts?  Your heart will not be troubled if you trust and abide in Jesus.  John 14:1

Do you need deliverance?  God delivers you out of all your afflictions.  Psalm 34:19

Are habits of unforgiveness, impatience, and selfishness dragging you down?  You can choose to walk free by the power of God's Word.  John 11:43:44, Romans 8:2-6

Are you allowing envy and strife in your heart?  Refuse to give the devil license to bring confusion and every evil work into your life.  James 3:16

Have you been overlooked again and again?  The Lord blesses you because you are righteous and surrounds you with favor.  Psalm 5:12

Do you think God has lost patience with you?  His love and mercy endure forever.  Psalm 136:1

Are you in bondage because you have a fear of death?  Jesus has destroyed him that had the power of death.  Hebrews 2:14-15

Do you have rebellious children?  All your children will be taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace.   Isaiah 54:13

Are you worried about money?  Your God shall supply all your needs according to His riches.  Philippians 4:19

Has shame plagued your life?  God is not ashamed of you, therefore you should not be ashamed either.  Hebrews 2:11

Do you not feel safe?  No evil will befall you, neither shall any plaque come near your dwelling.  God's angels have charge over you to keep you in all your ways.  Psalm 91, Proverbs 12:28

Are you in a dark place? 

Jesus came as a light to shine in this dark world,
so that all who put their trust in Him

 will no longer remain in darkness.

John 12:46

Don't Look Down

When I train dancers, I frequently have to tell them "don't look down... the floor will be there whether you look at it or not... look up".  There are times God has wonderful things for us, but we miss them because we are not looking in the right direction.  If the eyes of our hearts are looking down, at the negative, at the problem, at the pain, fear, lack, etc., then the blessings of God are not in our field of vision (PAE). Where you put your focus is your choice. You can look and think up or look and think down. James 3 says we set our own course by the words we say.

If you have lived a life of righteousness, you have planted seeds of righteousness, and you have an eternal harvest of righteousness.  Expect it.  Look for it. Don't see it today?  Don't let that discourage you.  Keep trusting God and speaking life.  What you can't see today, you may see tomorrow. In 2 Kings 6, Elisha and his servant were about to war with the king of Syria. The servant saw the Syrian army of horses and chariots that were about to attack them and he was fearful, until Elisha prayed that his eyes would be opened.  Then he saw the "horses and chariots of fire" sent by God to defend them.  They were more numerous than Aram's army.  Follow me?  God's provisions and blessings were there, even though the servant did not, at first, see them.

I sincerely hope that you are, like I am, making progress rejecting the nasty lies from that slimy snake and your knee-jerk reactions are shifting from fear, doubt, and disappointment to trust, faith, and expectation.

Keep your head up baby.

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened

in order that you may know the hope
to which he has called you,

the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,
 and his incomparably

great power for us who believe."

Ephesians 1

Look who is sitting on your shoulder

Hello, my darlings.  Hope you've been doing your homework!  I'm going to give you more. 

Okay. Let's get back to identifying why we get angry with God.  I think the reason we get bogged down in frustration, disappointment, and anger toward God is because we've been listening to, and agreeing with, the enemy of our souls. The truth is, God does not fail us.  He is good.  He loves us with perfect agape love.  His plans for us are good.  He does not throw defeat on us.  It is God's will that we prosper, walk in victory, and conquer every battle.

I know there are times when it looks like God lets us down.  There are times it feels like that, but it's not that.  When we start believing those things, it's because we have listened to and accepted lies from hell.  Remember we talked about the serpent and Eve in the garden of Eden?  Satan got Eve to believe that God was holding out on her, that He was keeping something from her, and she acted on that false belief system, which ultimately separated her from God.

It is satan's ultimate goal to get us discontent with God.  If he can get us to doubt God and believe his lies instead, he's got us.  And the longer we stay there, the more time he has to pump our hearts and minds full of negativity.  So we sit there, at the crossroads, looking back and forth between two directions, trying to decide if God is really who He says He is, this God of love and grace and peace and joy and miracles.  We aren't feeling any of that, because we're disconnected from Him, trying to do things on our own, the result of coming into agreement with the one who hates God and is working day and night to get us there too.

The thing about deception is that when you are under it, you don't realize you are being deceived.  It takes someone pointing it out to us, rousing us from the fog and the haze and the funk.  We can't always put our finger on what's wrong, we just know we don't feel good, don't feel right.  Maybe we are less interested in prayer and a little more comfortable with sin.  I want to help rouse you out from under the deception that God is the bad guy here. 

I am an artist, and therefore very visual.  God made me that way and He speaks to me that way.  Here's how I see it.  Satan knows our weaknesses, and he will take every opportunity to whisper untruth to us.  Imagine a slippery, slimy snake, crawling up your leg, across your back, and onto your shoulder.  Every time he speaks "God cares about every one but you" or "He let you down" or "He caused this pain in your life", and we hear him and agree with him, it's like giving that slimy snake a slimy kiss and patting him on his slimy head. Every time you entertain a negative, disheartened, discouraged, distrusting thought, I want you to see this....

You are kissing a @&#%  snake! 

You are giving him power in your life. You are believing lies. 

So, your next assignment.  Realize that you have harbored doubt against God, which is the sin of unbelief.  Ask God to forgive you for sinning against Him this way.  Yes, it's humbling to admit you have come into a partnership with a snake, but once you repent you will feel so much better. 

God is standing right beside you, ready and willing to forgive you, heal you, and loosen your feet from that stuck place. 

I'll be back.  Keep reading James.  Don't kiss snakes.

God gets a bad rap

I want to talk more about being disappointed/let down/angry at God.  I think this is the kind of stuff that brings us to the crossroad of confusion and indecision.  The first step is recognizing that what's going on in our hearts is actually anger/disappointment/unforgiveness toward God.  We often put our anger on people, but it can go way deeper than that. Once we identify what's going on spiritually, we can start dealing with it, dislodging us from being stuck in one place and begin the process of moving on into victory and freedom. 

Okay, next step.  Last week I was praying about this and asking God to reveal truth.  To confirm what I felt like I was hearing from Him, I consulted another prophet and asked for his thoughts.  The first thing he said was what I had been thinking too.....

It's not God's fault.

God gets blamed for so much stuff that He didn't do. God is not the problem, but we have a sneaky adversary who whispers in our ear and tries to convince us that God is hurting us, punishing us, ignoring us, neglecting us, making us sick, taking away people we love, having a party in heaven while we bleed to death on earth. Some pain we can figure out; we sin and there are consequences. Or we love God and desire to obey Him, but sometimes make poor choices out of ignorance or immaturity (think about it....are the choices you make now a lot wiser than the choices you made five, ten, twenty years ago?). Abraham was a mighty man of God, and even having a promise from Him (Genesis 15), still produced an Ishmael that he then had to feed. Other times it's not so obvious. We think we are doing everything right, so when things go wrong, it must be God's doing, right? We assume way too much.  We can't figure out who to blame (that's such an American thing, isn't it?), so we just dump it all on God and then harbor resentment toward the very One that we need to be close to.  We erect walls around our hearts, a monument to our pain, thinking we are protecting ourselves from further pain and heartbreak.  Do we not realize that this wall keeps the pain in, and keeps God's love and healing out?  It becomes a vicious cycle.  We get pissed off at God and avoid Him. We then become more and more miserable because we have cut ourselves off from our Source ....

"A branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine...

apart from Me, you can do nothing. "  John 15

The longer we stay in this place, the worse it gets. Anger leads to resentment and bitterness. We stop trusting God and think we can get on better on our own. Those walls of self-protection remain impenetrable as our heart hardens. Doubt sets in.  The original sin in the Garden of Eden continues. The serpent tempted Eve to doubt God (Genesis 3), and she fell for it.  That deception is still happening. If satan can get us to doubt God, he's got us right where he wants us. The longer we stay in the sin of unbelief, the more time he has to pump our hearts and minds full of negativity.  The 33,000 promises of God mean nothing to us, we're mad at Him. We put ourselves in the position to not receive from Him, and then get more upset that He won't deliver us from the torment that we ourselves are creating and feeding. 

Is this you?  Are these words making you think?  Evaluate?  Are you feeling a little conviction?  You are not alone, that was me too.  Let me help you.  Read the book of James (five chapters) every day until my next post.  Victory is near baby.  We are going to get un-stuck.

Don't Give Up!

I've had two conversations in as many days with dear friends of mine, one a girlfriend, one a guy friend, both of whom are going through an evaluation of their faith.  (I'm thinking, "Do you know what kind of year I've had?  Are you sure you want to be talking to me about this?").  Maybe though, I am a good source for them right now, being a step out of the valley but not yet on the mountain. I understand how they feel.  I know where they are and it's rough.  I've struggled with doubt about God's faithfulness and plan for my own life, too.  As I did, my friends both feel let down by God, ignored, looked over, neglected. They are questioning God's protection, His provision, His purpose, and His care. 

I think it was divine wisdom that Paul compared our walk of faith to a race.  Hebrews 12:1 says,

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."

A race involves sweat, fatigue, pain. It requires faith that after leaving the starting line, you will make it to the finish line.  It includes "runner's highs", where you are doing good, feeling strong, running fast.  It also includes shin splints, knee pain, burning lungs, and the further you make it, exhaustion that makes you want to roll to the ground and collapse.  I think our culture has a lot to do with this, but somehow we convince ourselves that after giving our lives to Christ, the rest of our time on Earth should be a cake walk.  A leisurely stroll down a garden path, seventy degree weather with a cool breeze, refreshment booths along the way should our bodies even begin to think about thirst, and fluffy beds with mosquito nets should fatique get anywhere near.  That comes later, but if you are alive and reading this, you know we are not there yet!

Life is hard and I don't know about you, but to me it seems like life is getting harder.  Everywhere I look, there are challenges, in my own life and in the lives of the people I love.  Babies die.  Twenty-year marriages end.  Loved ones pass before reconciliation takes place.  Husbands lose jobs.  Kids run wild.  Betrayal plaques families over and over.  Mental illness drains faithful caregivers of all their strength. Years of dedication are rewarded by being shown the door.  Three months before your wedding day, your fiance' has a motorcycle accident and never comes out of a coma. Investments go bad. Teenagers commit suicide. Entire families are divided over disagreements. Your kid's college fund is depleted just to keep food on the table.  Cancer strikes and takes tender lives. Hearts are broken into tiny pieces. Again.

"He maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good,

and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."

Matt 5:45

Hard times, extreme challenges, and horrible disasters of spiritual, emotional, and physical natures strike even the most godly, faithful, loving, forgiving, praying, fasting, tithing, full of faith people who love God and have surrendered their life to His purpose.  These times make us ask God "where were You?", "why did You let that happen?" and "do You not love me anymore?".  These are very real and honest questions but, this side of heaven, are very hard to answer.  We only see a small part of the big picture, and even that we "see darkly".  We interject our own perceptions, beliefs, and values into our circumstances and may never know the true meaning and purpose until we are able to ask God face to face.  Disappointment and rejection cloud our judgement and there are always plenty of situations anxious to cause us to become jaded and bring hardness to our hearts.  So much happens that we don't understand. God gives us a green salad after we ordered a triple cheeseburger.  It makes us mad, but can we get to the point that we trust that He knows a steady diet of cheeseburgers will kill us, and that salad with spinach and bean sprouts will be the best choice for us?  Can we hold onto the belief that God loves us, promises never to leave us, and, oh yeah, He's made a way for us to go to heaven when we die, saving us from an eternity in hell? The second verse of Hebrews 12 tells us how to keep running the race described in the verse one.....

 "We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus,

the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.

 Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame.

Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne

Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people;

then you won’t become weary and give up." 

If you find yourself at a precarious crossroad of faith, faced with the decision to A) determine it's not working, it's not worth it, it's too hard, you'd rather drop out of the race and join the other team, hey, they've got pizza there, or B) you decide that you have come too *&$@# far to stop now, you've worked too hard to throw away your testimony, things will get better, the prize will be worth it if you keep going, then let me encourage you friend....

Choose B. Stand strong. Don't give up.  Hang in there. If you can't run one more inch, then just stand here.  ("Having done all, stand..." Eph 6).  Ask God to meet You where you are and to bring truckloads of strength and grace until you can resume the race.  If you don't have the strength to stand, then sit.  Hey, at least you're not going backwards and you're not crawling off the track.  Don't lose the ground you have already won.  Surround yourself with people who are full of wisdom.  Find encouragement from those you love.  Put a demand on your reserves and pull out every last ounce of determination that your seeds of faith produced.

That finish line may be a lot closer than you think.

"I stand at the gate...."

Yesterday morning I sat in my Nigerian doctor's swanky, redneck church (I'm serious. The pastor used to be a country-western singer) listening to a man with lots of wisdom and sensitivity to the Spirit preach about the narrow gate in John 10. Yesterday afternoon I was sitting outside watching the sun set when two little long-haired dogs wearing clothes ran into my fence from the opened back gate. I watched them chase birds, run around the trees, play with each other, etc. After a few minutes their owner, my neighbor two houses down, began searching for them and calling for them to return home. I continued to watch as their playful frolicking turned into confusing frustration about how to get out of my back yard. The owner clapped, whistled, hollored. The dogs ran to the side of my fence and just stared through. Seemingly oblivious to go back out the same way they came in, through the narrow gate, they started whimpering and barking for their master. "Come here!" he called. He could see them in my yard, they could see him in their yard, but for whatever reason they couldn't find their way of escape. Realizing that these dumb creatures were going to need an intervention in order to escape my property, the owner came to the gate. Overjoyed, the little pups scampered off to where they needed to be, rescued by one who was willing to come to the gate and direct them out. We have One who leads us too.

Darkness

Are you in a dark place? Meditate on these words.....

"Sometimes Jesus turns out the lights because He wants more intimacy with us." -Jason Upton

"God promises to walk through the dark place with us and shine upon the immediate step we are to take. That's our walk of faith". -R. Barth

"Who walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon his God." Isaiah 50:10

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105

"I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the darkness." John 12:46

The Secret Place

The words "the secret place" keep rolling around in my spirit. Is God speaking to anyone else about this? Here are my thoughts.

God promises to be a secret place of safety for us. King David understood this well. He sought God. He hid in God. He found peace, healing, and safety there. When challenges came, David didn't blame anyone; he knew right where to go to find refuge.

"He will conceal me there when troubles come;

he will hide me in his sanctuary.

He will place me out of reach on a high rock."

Psalm 27:5

We all need a secret place in God where we can find refuge. A place where we can run when we are hurt. confused. alone. sick. afraid. weak. depressed. nervous. angry. tempted. grieving loss. lacking wisdom. healing from divorce. fighting addictions. without hope. needing peace. If you have created this secret place with God, it's familiar and comfortable to retreat there at any given time. at the drop of a hat. in the middle of the night. when the doctor calls with bad news. when your world turns upside down. If you don't have this place with God, you can. Some folks only turn to God when a crisis hits, but that's okay. If you find yourself in the foxhole, you can ALWAYS CALL ON GOD. He welcomes you. He loves you. He's not mad at you. He wants a relationship with you. He wants to carve out a secret place with you that fits you and Him perfectly.

"I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hidden riches

of secret places, that you may know that it is I,

the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name."

Isaiah 45:3

If we don't run to God for our refuge, we will run somewhere else. It is hard-wired in us to seek relief from pain. Life is hard and we cannot navigate alone without screwing things up. We have two choices; follow our God nature or follow our sin nature. The world offers many options to help us find comfort, but any way we find to soothe ourselves, that isn't pleasing to God, will not provide the satisfaction we long for. God's ways promise to "fully satisfy" (Psalm 17:15). But here's the kicker about finding refuge even in the most holy way.....
It's on us to go there. When God speaks to us about the secret place, He uses verbs: run. pursue. hide. kneel. trust. ask. seek. knock. Just like all relationships, it takes work. time. prayer. faith. scripture. discipline. God is totally available, but it's up to us to pursue Him who is "out there" until He is "in here". God will not force any part of Himself on us. He loves us enough to give us the will to decide just how much of Him we want.

"His confidential communion and secret counsel

are with the righteous. "

Proverbs 3:32

The secret place is where God speaks to us. The wisdom of man cannot compare with the voice of God. In order to hear Him though, we have to be close. When I was working at a church in Dothan, I used to sign to my assistant when we were across the sanctuary from each other, or during a service when the music was loud. We were close enough to see each other, but too far away to hear each other. Communication is much easier when we are face to face with the One that has all the answers.

"You called in distress and I delivered you.

I answered you in the secret place of thunder."

Psalms 81:7

What makes the secret place so "secret"? Part of the definition of the word "secret" is: hidden, private, something kept from the knowledge of others. I think one of the greatest things about our secret place in God is that He has specific, personalized provisions for us there. I see it like a store, kind of like a general store, but smaller. You and God are the only ones allowed in. Not because He's being snobby or exclusive, but because the things in that secret place "store" are only for you. On the shelves, waiting, all packaged up, are things you need for what's going on in your life. God knows everything about you. all your needs. all your desires. all your struggles. all that hurts you. all your fears. In the secret place we receive from Him exactly what we need for our hearts. our circumstances. our purpose.

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

shall remain stable and fixed under the

shadow of the Almighty."

Psalms 91:1